


30 Shades Of Red

by redandgold



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Double Entendres, M/M, everything u can think of and more, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:45:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9551609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redandgold/pseuds/redandgold
Summary: "God, you smell so good. I could have you right here, right now.""Gary, stop talking to the steak."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anemoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anemoi/gifts).



> For Shaz who was like RACH WRITE ME 50 SHADES OF RED im sorry I couldn't think of 50 omfg BUT I HOPE IT'S ENOUGH
> 
> I'm the worst smut writer in the world so.... u have been warned abt my limited vocabulary

**1.**

There they stand, face to face, burning with a ravenous desire that touches the very depths of their soul. Butterflies flood Gary's belly, as well as a darker, captivating ache as he imagines the sweet, sweet satisfaction. "Give it to me," he breathes, his voice trembling and hungry for more. "I want you to give it to me." 

"Sod off, you wanker," Jamie says, and eats the last cookie.

 

**2.**

Gary takes it in his hands, gently working his way up and down, slowly at first then faster and faster. The viscous liquid spills over his skin as he moves and he savours the touch, almost panting as he feels the stiffness beneath his fingers. 

"Gary," Jamie moans. Gary smirks and rubs harder.

" _ Gary _ ," Jamie moans again, louder this time. "Stop taking doing the dishes so seriously, will you? It's weirding me out."

 

**3.**

_ I want your nuts in my mouth _

_ Fuck off and buy your own, they're only 50p a bag from Tesco _

 

**4.**

His voice is low as he says, "Come here." Gary obeys, his heart thumping in his chest, wondering what divine punishments await him - a teasing slap on the wrist, perhaps, or something even more...bruising. Just thinking of what he's going to do to him makes Gary shiver in trepidation. He's been a very naughty boy, after all.

"Yellow card," says the ref. "And don't you ever try to give Carragher a wedgie again, for all our sakes."

 

**5.**

"I was thinking we should get some equipment," Jamie says suggestively. 

Gary looks up, raising an eyebrow. "What, like bibs and cones?" 

"No, you muppet." Jamie smirks. "I meant....of the non-football variety." 

Gary's throat goes dry. "Carra. I know what you're going to say." 

"Butt plugs." 

"We've been through this." 

"They'll feel so good!" 

"James." 

"I won't even say anything, I'll just savour the sensations!" 

"No." 

"Come  _ on!  _ There's gotta be a better way to shut him up than having to watch Giggs snog the daylights out of him!" 

 

**6.**

_ Do you want dick _

_ Please, advocaat wouldn't even make my bench _

 

**7.**

"You did this all for me?" Gary gasps as he walks onto the five-a-side pitch prepared especially for his birthday. Jamie gives him a half-bashful, half-expectant grin. "Oh, you are so gonna score tonight." 

"I am?" 

"Oh, yeah." Gary looks positively devilish. "It's gonna be hot and sweaty. Touching, pushing, shoving. Maybe even biting. You'll feel shattered by the end of it. I'll be screaming with pleasure." 

"See," Jamie whines later. "I didn't know you were talking about scoring own goals." 

 

**8.**

Gary slides his hands up Jamie's thighs. 

Jamie bats him away. "Stop touching the chicken, you twat, I'm cooking here." 

 

**9.**

Jamie has Gary up the arse and he's pulling him off, working his way determinedly down his right. The ease of the penetration is incredible. Gary cries out as Jamie tears into him, going deeper than Gary can stand. "Fuck, I'm spread too wide," Gary gasps, allowing Jamie to come from behind and push it between his legs. He goes down in desperation even as Jamie yells out in delight. "Let me try a different position, I'd feel so much better." 

"No way," Jamie snorts. "You promised we wouldn't pause the game, and it's just getting into squeaky bum time." 

 

**10.**

_ I love it when we do bondage _

_ For the last time that's not what 007 marathons are called _

 

**11.**

They're lying in bed in each other's arms and it's beautiful and warm and soft, but Gary feels like it isn't enough. He wants  _ more  _ from Jamie; he wants to do things with him that he wouldn't do with anyone else. "Hey," he murmurs, and Jamie looks up sleepily. "Do you wanna - "

"Do I wanna what?" Jamie asks, smirking.

"You know what I wanna do." 

"Is it fun?" 

"Of course."

"We'll get all hot and physical?" 

"You bet." 

"Go on, then, big boy." 

"Cool," Gary says with much excitement. "I've been dying to fix the heater for ages." 

 

**12.**

Gary puts the long, hard rod into his mouth, whimpering in delight at the pleasure it gives him. He teases the tip with his tongue even as he sucks on it, moving his head back and forth to take in its entire length. "God, you taste so good," he whispers, savouring it. Jamie closes his eyes.

"Remind me to leave the room whenever you eat candy canes," he says.

 

**13.**

What is in his hands takes Jamie's breath away, almost as if he can't believe it. Here he is, in Gary's own private room, holding and squeezing Gary's giant, red, throbbing member. 

"Who let him in?" Gary yells at the staff of the members'-only United support club even as Jamie decides the best thing to do would be to start a bar fight by trying to strangle six-foot-five Keith from Gorton. 

 

**14.**

Jamie cracks the whip again, and Gary gasps. "Had enough?" he whispers, sliding a finger down the tight leather that's wrapped around Gary's chest. 

"Are you kidding?" Gary grins. "I've always wanted to play at Indiana Jones!" 

 

**15.**

"Don't stop now," Jamie wheezes, his blood pounding. 

Gary, behind him, pushes harder, veins standing out on his neck in the strain. "I'm trying," he gasps, sweat dripping down his nose. "It's too big!" 

"You can do this," Jamie grunts, one hand clenched, biting his lip to stem the pain that it brings him. " _ Faster _ ." 

"It's so tight!" 

"Oh, for  _ fuck's  _ sake, Gary, this is why you don't order dodgy United bedframes off the internet and then spend two hours trying to shove it into your room!"

 

**16.**

Gary comes inside of him and Jamie shudders.

"Get back to your fucking position, Neville, who's the centre-back here?"

 

**17.**

"Well, well, well," Jamie purrs, all low and seductive as he closed the door behind him. Gary looks up from where he's lying on the bed, his eyes betraying his desperation for Jamie to come closer. It gives Jamie great pleasure to see him all....tied up. "What have we here?"

"Carra," Gary pleads, hardly daring to move for fear of his bonds being tightened. "Carra,  _ come on. _ " 

Jamie leers at him. "Beg for it more." 

"Carra, you bastard, stop that," Gary explodes. "If you don't help me untangle these wires we're  _ never  _ going to get to play FIFA." 

 

**18.**

"How many times?" Scholesy blinks, incredulous.

Gary smirks at Jamie, then raises his fingers for 'seven'.

"In  _ one hour _ ?"

"Oh, yeaaaah," Jamie says, smug with the memories of an unforgettable night.

"How did you have the stamina?" 

"Oh, I kept it up  _ really _ well." 

"Still." Scholesy frowns. "I can't believe Phil would think he won that many millions of pounds with no verifiable proof."

 

**19.**

_ Did you like the taste of my cock  _

_ *cocktail _

 

**20.**

"God," Gary gasps, his chest heaving in sharp, shuddering breaths. Jamie lies beneath him, desperately getting him off, his hands groping all over. "Oh god, I'm coming, I'm coming!" 

"Aren't you going to apologise for knocking me over?" Jamie yells, even as Gary scrambles up and races towards the disappearing ice-cream truck.

 

**21.**

"You know what we should try?" Jamie asks, rolling around on the floor. "Reverse cowgirl."

"Don't be silly," Gary snorts, looking at the scrabble dictionary. "Lrigwoc isn't a word."

 

**22.**

"What were you doing in there?" Scholesy squints suspiciously at them as they emerge from the broom closet, looking around furtively, as if they're scared anyone will see.

"Nothing," they say in unison.

"I heard a hell of a lot of moaning." 

"Oh, all right," Gary relents. "But don't tell anyone."

"I won't." 

"I know we aren't supposed to, but...Jamie brought his tablet. You won't believe some of the standards of these auditions." 

 

**23.**

"Do it," Jamie begs. Gary tightens the handcuffs around his wrists and sticks the gag into his mouth.

"All right," he says. "But I'm not taking any responsibility if this doesn't work and you still somehow manage to insult Sir Alex when he's here." 

 

**24.**

"Smack my ass," Gary cries, leaning forward. "Smack it hard." 

"It's not moving," Jamie complains. 'No wonder you got this donkey, it's as stubborn as you are." 

 

**25.**

Jamie's inner god is spinning like a world-class ballerina, pirouette after pirouette. He can feel it swaying and writhing to some primal, almost carnal rhythm, contemplating putting a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door.  _ Mine _ , his inner god seems to be saying with satisfaction.  _ Only I can lay claim to you, my precious. _

"Oh my god, Carra," Gary mutters. "Please stop crediting a little Fowler inside of you every time you score a goal."

 

**26.**

"Why are you so fucking thirsty?" Jamie gasps as Gary slams him into the wall and begins to put his hands all over him, under his jacket, across his bum. "We're in public, for god's sakes." 

"Like that's gonna stop me from finding this," Gary retorts as he triumphantly pulls out the last free-drink token that Jamie stole.

 

**27.**

"Oh yes," Gary moans, his fingers working at the speed of light. He moves up and down in his seat, digging his feet into the ground in pleasure. "Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes." Jamie groans a little, his mouth slightly open. Gary rams his fingers forward harder and faster, causing Jamie to yelp involuntarily. "Oh,  _ yes! YES! OHH! _ " 

The long scream cuts deep through the night, unspeakable pleasures and the greatest of satisfaction. Gary leans back, utterly spent, and smiles at Jamie.

"It's really off putting when you do that every time you score," Jamie says, and chucks his controller away in disgust. 

 

**28.**

"You make me so wet," Gary says. 

Jamie rolls his eyes. "Running in the rain makes you stronger."

 

**29.**

"I can't believe you won't let me touch your balls," Jamie says huffily, crossing his arms.

"Stop being dirty," Gary chides.

"I just want to handle them!" 

"Clean your fingers and maybe I will!" Gary holds his PFA Team of the Year awards protectively.

 

**30.**

_ My cock and your asshole belong together _

_ No one wants to buy your rooster Jamie and stop calling Scholesy that _

**Author's Note:**

> \- [the inner goddess joke is from 50 shades](http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/movies/a31028/57-things-anastasia-steeles-inner-goddess-does-in-fifty-shades-of-grey/)  
> \- Cred to Julija for the up the arse line c:  
> \- Indiana Jones wears leather jackets.....  
> \- Dirk Advocaat is sometimes called Dick and I couldn't think of anyone else  
> \- Both #18 and #22 feat. scholesy for obvious reasons // also #22 is based on the fact that carra voted for an x-factor contestant like 700 times, what an idiot  
> \- I don't think the PFA team of the year awards are shaped like footballs but I don't think any of Gary's awards are shaped like footballs and I really wanted that joke so  
> \- Technically it's 31 shades bc the summary is a sneaky extra huehuehue
> 
> \- Tell me which one is ur fave!! or if u have suggestions leave them in the comments and maybe we can get it up to 50!!


End file.
